If I had my way, I would be there now. Right this minute, I would be in a a small cabin in the mountains planning my relaxing week of hiking, dining out, enjoying the company of friends, sitting in Starbucks for as long as I wanted, sipping coffee, eating a cake pop...or 3 and writing. I would be relaxing after a really long up hill fight. I would be praising God for his faithfulness in bringing me this far. Financially stable, confident of the task he has given me and able to tell others "Don't give up!"
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
But I don't have my way. God has me right where he wants me. I certainly don't understand his ways. I don't understand what he is doing. But I know he is doing something. I want stability and he is giving me uncertainty. I want confidence and he lets my circumstances shake everything I thought I knew about his plan and about my calling.
I've already learned trying to figure it out doesn't help. Begging God for insight is like asking for a life map to brace yourself for every turn you don't like. If I had it, I would probably try to suggest shortcuts, or worst, ask for something other than what he wants to give me because that road looks to treacherous. So I don't ask why. Sometimes I don't even ask what. I just repeat and hold on to what I do know.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD" Hosea 2:19-20
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. he will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17
His ways are not my ways. Praise God for that. If I had my way, I would not be in his. I would never take the hard road, I would never mature, I would never grow in faith or conviction. I would never be able to tell others "Don't give up!". I would never discover what he wants for me. So for now I will settle for I what I do know. Even if I don't like where I am and don't have any idea what he is doing, he is with me. He is mine and I am his.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
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