Is Faith a feeling or a choice?

Lately I feel like my faith is anything but pleasing to God. In my prayers I find myself apologizing for my doubt and for the hopelessness that I’ve been feeling. For the past several weeks I’ve asked God to restore me, to speak to me, to remind me he is with me in this. I pointed out that he has been known to use burning bushes and donkeys to speak to people, so why can’t I get something undeniable like that. (I’m certain God rolls his heavenly eyes when I remind him of things he has done in the past).

I’ve been confessing my lack of faith like crazy and asking God to grow my faith. And then suddenly I’m faced with why I am desperate for more faith. Why would I ask God for more faith? How do I know I need more? What would prompt us to seek more?

Then the question hit me. Is faith a feeling or a choice? I think I’ve been asking God to restore my faith because I feel like it is lacking. I feel a little lost and like he is being silent. I find myself doubting what he has asked of me and questioning if I have somehow wandered off his path and out of hearing range. I think what I’ve really been asking him is to make faith easier or actually asking him to show me he’s there so I need less faith!

So I guess the first question is what is faith? Faith is being sure God is who he says he is and that he will do all that he has promised to do.

I think the problem here is I cannot always control how I feel. That is unfortunate isn’t it? How many marriages would be saved if we could make ourselves feel love and forgiveness? If we could make ourselves feel how we wanted to or needed to…then I guess we wouldn’t need so much faith.

Do you see where I’m going with this? The truth is, faith can be a feeling but it is not defined by a feeling. Faith is a moment by moment choice a lot of the time, especially when your faith is being tested.

So what does faith look like? Faith looks like traveling 40 years in a desert because God told you he had some land just for you. Faith looks like stepping out of a boat because Jesus said come to me. Faith is making decisions that seem foolish by worldly standards because you feel God is leading you to do something drastic. Faith is action. It is choosing to take a step towards what God is promising us. That’s the thing…there are multiple steps in a journey. Which means each step is a decision. Will you step toward God again and again and again? Will you step toward him even when you are feeling faithless and hopeless?

If you do God promises to reward your faith.

I believe God is who he says he is and he will do all that he has promised to do. If I believe that, what effect will it have on my actions? What effect did it have on Peter’s actions?

This brings me some comfort. Peter stepped out of the boat, actually experienced walking on water with Jesus. Amazing! I think sometimes I take this story for granted since most of us grow up hearing it. But really…walking on water with Jesus?! That is awesome.

But what really gets me about this story is Peter’s faith falters. He starts to sink. Notice this happens when he takes his eyes of Jesus. He looks away from Jesus and looks to the wind and waves. He lets fear grip him. Those emotions can do that. They can grab you and distract you. We tend to take our eyes of Jesus and focus on our difficult circumstances and let fear grip us.

Lucky for us God doesn’t just let us sink. Jesus grabbed his hand immediately when Peter cries out and rescued him. God doesn’t need our faith. He doesn’t need anything from us. Where we fall short, he will meet us every time.

Not feeling particularly faithful today? That’s fine, you still have a choice and God will meet you wherever you are. You cannot control how you feel always, but you are still given a choice to take that step.