Confusion

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

I've learned confusion comes from a specific place for me. It comes from trying to figure out the answer to the question that is dominating my life at the moment. Everything I pray about, read, think on, seek and chase after surround that one question that I so desprately need an answer to. Not just an answer, the answer. Not ideas, or examples pertaining to, but the whole truth that leaves me satisfied.

My personality has always dictated that. Grey areas are hard for me to comprehend. If I want to know something, I want to know every bit of information. I am a introvert, type A personality. Which means I think a lot with an end result in mind.

My life over the past several years as yielded far more questions than answers. I have wrestled some questions endlessly. I've pouted, insisted, searched endlessly and cried for my answer.

This has resulted in two things for me. I have searched God's Word and his voice earnestly AND I have come to the realization that I wasn't searching for "the one true answer", but an answer that would eliviate the wondering and the doubt.

Turns out, God isn't that interested in explaining every little trial and questions I have in detail. I'll ask one thing that is so important to me and he will glide right over it and teach me about something I wasn't even wondering about. He stretches my questions instead of answering them. I will ask what about this? While I seek that out I discover that is the tip of a much more complicated question. Ugh! Ever have your question answered with a question?

After much of my asking and seeking, I am learning, God likes questions. Questions mean we care enough to know more. We want to understand how our life fits into his truth. He welcomes our questions and encourages them. But we have to remember who he is and who we are not.

He doesn't always answer the way I want or when I want, but he continues to teach me on things even if I didn't think they were applicable at the time. Turns out, what he thinks I need to know proves to be far more beneficial than the answers I think I want.

I will continue to ask, seek and knock and trust in his perfect timing, he will reveal all that I need to know. I'm learning to let all of my questions be satisfied with, "trust me and I will make all of your paths straight."