Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
I've learned confusion comes from a specific place for me. It comes from trying to figure out the answer to the question that is dominating my life at the moment. Everything I pray about, read, think on, seek and chase after surround that one question that I so desprately need an answer to. Not just an answer, the answer. Not ideas, or examples pertaining to, but the whole truth that leaves me satisfied.
My personality has always dictated that. Grey areas are hard for me to comprehend. If I want to know something, I want to know every bit of information. I am a introvert, type A personality. Which means I think a lot with an end result in mind.
My life over the past several years as yielded far more questions than answers. I have wrestled some questions endlessly. I've pouted, insisted, searched endlessly and cried for my answer.
This has resulted in two things for me. I have searched God's Word and his voice earnestly AND I have come to the realization that I wasn't searching for "the one true answer", but an answer that would eliviate the wondering and the doubt.
Turns out, God isn't that interested in explaining every little trial and questions I have in detail. I'll ask one thing that is so important to me and he will glide right over it and teach me about something I wasn't even wondering about. He stretches my questions instead of answering them. I will ask what about this? While I seek that out I discover that is the tip of a much more complicated question. Ugh! Ever have your question answered with a question?
After much of my asking and seeking, I am learning, God likes questions. Questions mean we care enough to know more. We want to understand how our life fits into his truth. He welcomes our questions and encourages them. But we have to remember who he is and who we are not.
He doesn't always answer the way I want or when I want, but he continues to teach me on things even if I didn't think they were applicable at the time. Turns out, what he thinks I need to know proves to be far more beneficial than the answers I think I want.
I will continue to ask, seek and knock and trust in his perfect timing, he will reveal all that I need to know. I'm learning to let all of my questions be satisfied with, "trust me and I will make all of your paths straight."
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I have a lot of "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!" prayers. Some are softer than others, some are louder. I've been learning the same thing...the thing I ask for clarity on, I get no answer...but I have vivid dreams, visions, receive words for other people, can pray for them and see healings released, etc...but in my life...it's shambles at best...yet I have a crazy comfort.
ReplyDeleteWith my friends, I've been calling God a "Weirdo" in a truly affectionate way. At the beginning of the year, God clearly told me that I couldn't let my business needs be known (I couldn't ask for help), but I could make suggestions...just not pleas. What kind of crazy talk is this?!?! So for the few weeks since the new year, I've tried it. I tell God my needs. They are supplied. Weirdo. God's math and mine don't add up. The word I keep getting is "relationship" - if it came simply, I wouldn't be as likely to seek Him.
Through my craziness, I've learned I know a whole lot less than when I started out (I'm ok with that...surprisingly), and I know a whole lot more about nothing (rather than the issue...I'm ok with that too). I've been hoping for a blaring noise or light from heaven come and tell me the things I want/need to know. I've received tons of revelations - but they are quiet, or dim...not blaring or bright. But as I sit on the impression it becomes brighter, til it's the way I "see" a memory...same feelings and smells...an odd way to explain a God encounter.
Don't "beat yourself up" - I'll bet that you have been learning a lot - but it's not on a conscious level (darn it!). I'll bet it's being or has been downloaded to your subconscious, and will pop out when you least expect it, and you'll say, "WOW! That was amazing! Where did that come from?" Look for the small impressions...sounds, smells, pictures (the fleeting thoughts...as an introvert you have more than an extrovert, I'll bet!)
The first thing that came to my mind when I read this was that He has us "dig deeper" or doesn't give us the full answer because He wants us to keep coming back. He likes talking with us and hearing our hearts. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI dont know why, but I just saw these comments! Ha! Rachael, so true. I get little bits of things that dont paint the whole picture yet, but then they all come together to show me something new.
ReplyDeleteJamie, I completely agree. If he answered everything right away I would become complacent. Not to mention the fact that I am not ready for some things. ;) And half to reason I want answers is so I dont have to be so dependant. I dont like living by faith. It is hard in the midst of it. Rewarding later...