Renewed Mind

I've realized that I've looked at God's order all wrong. I'm encountering him now more powerfully because I've begun to lift my restrictions on how I think he should speak and does speak. The cross wasn't just to get me to heaven it was for a relationship now. I've always had a relationship with him, but I was limiting the communication that makes the relationship stronger and more intimate. He's showing me that my past views on it were not his wisdom, but instead what I was comfortable with. I have a feeling a LOT of Christians are stuck where I was. Assuming he doesn't have anything important to tell me, instead of assuming that he has so many important things to tell me. Now I operate assuming he is talking instead of that he isn't. I realize our churches have put God in a box. We don't want anything "wierd" happening in church. We don't want to scare people off and have them think we are crazy. Out of fear we have shut the door to God's supernatural ways. It has occured to me that a God that moves powerfully, is a God that people want to follow. Otherwise he is the distant God that is simply there to stamp his approval on our entry ticket into Heaven. There is to be order to things. But order is meant to accurately express who God is, not restrict him. Otherwise Paul would have said stop using spiritual gifts, but instead he explained how to do it so that the church body was edified. So many churches have restricted biblical gifts! In fact, many never even mention them. Why?! If God has a gift for me I want it! If he has a Word for me I want it! If he would want to use me to encourage someone else, I would be honored. Why are we telling people how God loves them instead of showing them through his power?? This is my new prayer for the church. That God would break out of their box to demonstrate he is the Living God who desires us now...not just when we get to Heaven and that he would bring with this revelation, Wisdom to apply it in his definition of order.

Power of Words

Again and again over the last several weeks, God has reminded me of the power of words and thoughts. He wants to change how I think and how I speak about my life. During this difficult year it has been very easy to speak negatively and complain. What sounded like me just being honest about our situation became declarations over our situation. We don't have enough money. We can't find work. We are about to lose everything. I would then pray God would provide for us. But my hope and joy were gone. I was pleading from a place of defeat and not from my place God has given me. A place of favor.

In my prayers, quiet times and the sermons I've been listening to, God keeps bringing up the same issue. Not only does he bring it up, but he makes sure I see the fruit of my life-giving declarations. Our words have power. I'm learning to use them wisely.

So today we went to a new church for a change and because I knew God had something to say to us and this is where we would hear it. So we went and guess what the sermon was on... Power of words of course. After the sermon the speaker prophesied over a few people in the room. I new she had a word for us. She asked if there was a man or woman who's business is failing. Definitely us! After the service she came to speak with us and prophesied over us that God was going to expand our business. She saw a room with wall to wall computers in it and said we may be going into teaching/instructing others. She prayed for new contracts and an increase in income. Praise God!

God is Good

No, I still don't know what God is doing. Yes, I am still in the same trial I have been in for over a year. But seeing God work has made it worth every step.

Over the last few months, God has been drawing my attention to the supernatural power in our lives. He's made me aware of things I was not paying any attention to before. I became aware of my thoughts and words that were not life giving and so I started to pray and work at changing that. The more I prayed and harder I tried, it seemed to get worst. Sometimes I felt like I had ADD. I couldn't even finish a thought before a new one started. I would be so double minded. I would retract something in my head before I even completed the thought. Everything came to a head when I went to a conference. I was determined to hear from God, so I drove 60 miles to hear speakers who teach on prophesy and dreams. (I've prayed for the gift of prophesy for years!). I didn't want to hear anything specific...I just wanted to hear something...anything after a really long 18 months of silence.
We arrived and got settled and worship started. My mind was chaos. I was overloaded with thoughts. I kept trying to refocus only to get distracted again. The thoughts were not necessarily bad thoughts, so I wasn't convinced it was the enemy. I left the conference frustrated with me and frustrated with God. He seemed to have a word for everyone. So why was I leaving feeling like he skipped me? Doesn't he give me the same holy spirit as he does everyone else? Why can't I connect with him?

I wasn't going to give up. I was going to hear something from him, so I spent most of Saturday listening to webcasts. It only made me more annoyed and frustrated. I decided my attitude wasn't helping so I laid down to take a nap.

It was a good nap. I slept so well. I woke up feeling so much better. On our way to church, Mike and I started talking about one of the speakers and his sermon on dreams. I laughed and said God doesn't speak to me in dreams because I rarely dream and they are usually so scattered and off the wall. I used the dream I had during my nap as an example of my wierd dreams that can't be from God...

I was at a school. It was a supernatural or magic school. I remember thinking it was a Harry Potter type of thing even though none of the film's characters were there. In my dream I became aware that I had to leave for my safety because an attack of some kind was coming. So I head out on the road. I know an attack is getting closer. I find a machine that looks like a landwalker from Starwars (This immediately peeks my husband's interest). I knew as I got in it that is was supplied for me by someone because they knew I would need it. Right as I start off in the new machine the attack comes. I still can't tell you what it was. I see it hurdle towards a woman and her two girls. They are running and scared. I jump out and help them into my machine. I tell them where we are going it is safe and warm. Where we are is cold and snowy. We continue on our journey and the destination is in sight. We can see a building on a hill. It is Spring and looks beautiful. Even the lighting seems unnaturally amazing. As we get closer I see the line we have to cross. It is literally a line seperating them. Inches of snow on one side and green grass on the other. We move over the line and I wake up.

I'm describing this dream to Mike as an example of how God doesn't speak to me in my dreams. Of course as I get into the dream and say it outloud I realize how spiritual it sounds and we both kind of laugh about it.

After church we get home and get the kids in bed and I turn on yet another sermon. Kris from Bethel church is talking about the process of moving into your promises and how things can keep you from that. He specifically talks about thoughts that are not from you, but from the enemy. I had immediate clarity that not all my thoughts were my own. The enemy was trying to distract me. Since they seemed like harmless thoughts I fell for his lies. At the end of the sermon, Kris prayed and rebuked the enemy from giving us thoughts. As he wrapped up his prayer he said "it is time to move from Winter into Spring". Mike and I immediately looked at each other. It was quite clear that dream was from God. I went to bed thrilled. Finally I had a break through and a promise of a season change.

Since that night, I have been keenly aware of how peaceful my mind is. I am not fighting to calm my mind at all. I can focus in prayer, I can think clearly without double-mindedness on every little thing. When I have a bout of discouragement, it doesn't last long because I can choose to focus on blessings. I am enjoying Spring...