God is Good

No, I still don't know what God is doing. Yes, I am still in the same trial I have been in for over a year. But seeing God work has made it worth every step.

Over the last few months, God has been drawing my attention to the supernatural power in our lives. He's made me aware of things I was not paying any attention to before. I became aware of my thoughts and words that were not life giving and so I started to pray and work at changing that. The more I prayed and harder I tried, it seemed to get worst. Sometimes I felt like I had ADD. I couldn't even finish a thought before a new one started. I would be so double minded. I would retract something in my head before I even completed the thought. Everything came to a head when I went to a conference. I was determined to hear from God, so I drove 60 miles to hear speakers who teach on prophesy and dreams. (I've prayed for the gift of prophesy for years!). I didn't want to hear anything specific...I just wanted to hear something...anything after a really long 18 months of silence.
We arrived and got settled and worship started. My mind was chaos. I was overloaded with thoughts. I kept trying to refocus only to get distracted again. The thoughts were not necessarily bad thoughts, so I wasn't convinced it was the enemy. I left the conference frustrated with me and frustrated with God. He seemed to have a word for everyone. So why was I leaving feeling like he skipped me? Doesn't he give me the same holy spirit as he does everyone else? Why can't I connect with him?

I wasn't going to give up. I was going to hear something from him, so I spent most of Saturday listening to webcasts. It only made me more annoyed and frustrated. I decided my attitude wasn't helping so I laid down to take a nap.

It was a good nap. I slept so well. I woke up feeling so much better. On our way to church, Mike and I started talking about one of the speakers and his sermon on dreams. I laughed and said God doesn't speak to me in dreams because I rarely dream and they are usually so scattered and off the wall. I used the dream I had during my nap as an example of my wierd dreams that can't be from God...

I was at a school. It was a supernatural or magic school. I remember thinking it was a Harry Potter type of thing even though none of the film's characters were there. In my dream I became aware that I had to leave for my safety because an attack of some kind was coming. So I head out on the road. I know an attack is getting closer. I find a machine that looks like a landwalker from Starwars (This immediately peeks my husband's interest). I knew as I got in it that is was supplied for me by someone because they knew I would need it. Right as I start off in the new machine the attack comes. I still can't tell you what it was. I see it hurdle towards a woman and her two girls. They are running and scared. I jump out and help them into my machine. I tell them where we are going it is safe and warm. Where we are is cold and snowy. We continue on our journey and the destination is in sight. We can see a building on a hill. It is Spring and looks beautiful. Even the lighting seems unnaturally amazing. As we get closer I see the line we have to cross. It is literally a line seperating them. Inches of snow on one side and green grass on the other. We move over the line and I wake up.

I'm describing this dream to Mike as an example of how God doesn't speak to me in my dreams. Of course as I get into the dream and say it outloud I realize how spiritual it sounds and we both kind of laugh about it.

After church we get home and get the kids in bed and I turn on yet another sermon. Kris from Bethel church is talking about the process of moving into your promises and how things can keep you from that. He specifically talks about thoughts that are not from you, but from the enemy. I had immediate clarity that not all my thoughts were my own. The enemy was trying to distract me. Since they seemed like harmless thoughts I fell for his lies. At the end of the sermon, Kris prayed and rebuked the enemy from giving us thoughts. As he wrapped up his prayer he said "it is time to move from Winter into Spring". Mike and I immediately looked at each other. It was quite clear that dream was from God. I went to bed thrilled. Finally I had a break through and a promise of a season change.

Since that night, I have been keenly aware of how peaceful my mind is. I am not fighting to calm my mind at all. I can focus in prayer, I can think clearly without double-mindedness on every little thing. When I have a bout of discouragement, it doesn't last long because I can choose to focus on blessings. I am enjoying Spring...